At 4:48 A.M.

That's what time I woke up this morning, twelve minutes shy of five a.m. I am not in the habit of waking early. I'm not even in the habit of waking as early as I'd like, but I have no desire to wake before seven o'clock. Even so, Baby Bear was inconsolable; and I, for whatever reason, decided to get up with him instead of pulling him in bed with me. Oh yes, I remember why; there were already a few people in my bed.

I dragged my comforter (Papa Bear and I are cover stealers and have decided to use separate comforters) and pillow into the living room while slinging a wailing Baby Bear under my arm and mumbling something fleshly. I covered myself and my quickly nursing babe, and I grabbed my laptop to see if I could find something to keep me awake.

Now, if you blog for the public, but you use your own name and have invited your entire extended family to read, you are probably going to relate to this post. I once griped to my mom about all of the funny and ridiculous things I have to keep to myself out of respect for my family.

"Mom, you wouldn't believe the things I read on other blogs!" I whined, "Not mean things, just hilarious stories that I would never get away with telling!"

Like the time that my mom was cleaning my hallway while I was cleaning the kitchen!

"Hey Mom," I yelled down the hall, "Did I hear you calling Coke 'soda'"?

"What?" she yelled back, apparently not hearing a single word I had said.

"You know how we call it all Coke, but some people call it soda?"

"They do?"

"What?!"

"I have never heard it called that?"

"What are you talking about?!!?" I flipped.

"I have never heard it called that before."

"MOM!!!"

"Why are you yelling at me?"

"Because you're saying that you have never heard Coke called 'soda'!"

"Coca-cola or cocaine?"

"What? Why on earth would I be talking to you about cocaine?"

"I have no idea. I just thought that you were."

And when I doubled over with laughter and announced, "I'm so going to blog about this!" she threatened me with my life she politely asked me to reconsider.

Sorry Mom, I couldn't help myself.

But seriously, finding the right filter...one that allows through everything that I need to share, while editing out what might be hurtful or embarrassing to my family...it's walking a fine and sometimes intimidating line. Add to this the fact that I am not the brightest crayon in the box that is my extended family. And, well, knowing that relatives are reading about my once crumbling marriage, and our financial insufficiencies, is sometimes enough to make me want to close up shop.

So, when I opened my laptop at 4:57 a.m., and read the following e-mail from a cousin, it was all I could to just sit still and cry.


Hey, I started reading your blog after you posted a link. I just wanted to say thank you so much for your honest, uplifting, heart-felt openness. I was so blessed and reminded of God's goodness and faithfulness as I read (nearly the whole thing). I was especially touched by one about Satan not being omniscient...can't remember the title. BUT I just wanted to tell you that God so clearly spoke to my heart it was almost audible....Anyway, keep it up. One more life blessed by your unselfish sharing (which I know is the reward that touches your sweet heart!).


And so, I muster an insufficient reply:

Sweet Sister,

You'll probably never fully understand what a blessing you were to your insecure, introverted little cousin this morning. But I thank you from the bottom of my heart.