Mel, earlier this week I was approached by a young woman (who knows our story). She asked, "What's your advice for a long marriage?" This question made me smile from ear-to-ear because, one, I have at least twenty years to go before I'll have anything to say about a long marriage. Two, this woman was very confident that I was going to get there (and so am I). I answered her the same way I have answered many women recently, "If you want to have a long marriage, don't get a divorce."
Having been only seconds away from divorce on numerous occasions, I mean this little piece of advice as anything but trite. If you want to have a long (and happy) marriage, be prepared not to be head over heals in love. Don't be surprised when moments come (even days, weeks, or, heaven forbid, years) when you do not feel love toward your spouse. Marriage is about commitment, and it is about commitment to God even more than it is about commitment to a person.
I feel like I should stop right here and say that if your spouse leaves you, you have broken no vow. Don't just let them walk out the door; fight. But, in the end, you have control only over your own actions.
Marriage should be passionate and wonderful; it is an earthly mirror into the relationship between Christ and His Bride. But if you wake up, every morning, passionately in love with your Savior, please drop me a line, because I would really like to meet you. Personally, I just don't think that's realistic. And it's often during those emotionless, wilderness times that He is growing us the most. The same can be true in our earthly marriages as well.
The decision to marry is, I suppose, the most important decisions of a person's life. I'm a little torn because after witnessing, and participating in, the kind of dead raising that has happened in my marriage, I am now firmly convinced that God always works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. This perspective tends to lessen the importance of my decisions. I know I am to hear and obey, but when I miss the mark, He is still faithful.
In the end, my advice for a long and prosperous marriage is simple (but not easily followed in this day and age). Make Jesus your center. Trust Him. Honor Him and keep all of His commandments. Be faithful to Him...no matter what. He is, and will continue to be, faithful to you.
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